I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
