I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
