I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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