just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
