take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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