What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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