Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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