Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
