Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
