If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
where am i from again
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
