Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I believe in your delicious
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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