She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
