And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
