he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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