You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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