frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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