So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
