If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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