yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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