the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
