I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize