dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize