this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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