is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
