we have officially lost it.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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