Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
What drink are we having for lunch?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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