after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
It's rum buckets o'clock
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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