Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
