it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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