Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
