he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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