What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
