I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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