chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
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Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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