You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
