she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
is it fun? or sober?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
