The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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