mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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