if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
