I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
