Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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