New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
