I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
