I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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