totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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