its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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