You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
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