I'm drive I can fine osifer
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
