I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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