No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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