The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
