i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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