break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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