I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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