i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
