Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
