I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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