I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
